I like the way ruski cuddles up to me, jumping onto my lap and sleeping there while i type on the computer.
Monday, March 31, 2003
Thursday, March 27, 2003
Turns out that all the therapists (that's me) have to be in school throughout and if anyone wanna stay home has to take annual leave. I think some of my colleagues not too happy about that because for one it is like telling us that while things are in an emergency, we got to use our AL for that. What more we are also told that some of us may have to cancel our travel plans in June as school will be extended during that time.. Teachers are suppose to treat it like school hols now so they wont have to come back but like us they have to work during the June hols. Well, i wont take any leave for now. Guess i will have to hang around the nearly empty school for a while.
Then there is SARS...
School is now officially close and we are all suppose to stay away till april 6.
Before today, my colleagues were still joking that it would be nice to close the school and have an extended holiday.
Now that we have a "holiday", i can't help but feel so worried...
not so much for myself but for everyone.
When will it all blow over?
This is worse than my one-stone-theory.
First it was the war.
The surrealism of watching POWs on tv and looking at the brutalities and casualties.
Looking at missiles and war planes and sand storms.
It did not seem real.
I think i grew up taking peace for granted, so much so that it did not feel real to read about people dying in war barely one week after the war started.
Perhaps war has always been around somehow but even operation desert storm seem like some theatericals than something real.
Why am i shock within my core now that some marines or iraqis has been killed in action.
That's what war is about isn't it?
Exerting one's control/power and sacrificing human lives for a cause?
Isn't it just a numbers game?
Who has more people, more human shield, more missiles, more planes, more warheads, more chemical weapons?
Why does it shock me to the core then when the first casualties rolled in?
Because until that moment, it didn't seem real.
And from this moment on, I really don't know what will happen...
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Monday, March 24, 2003
Parents are back from GZ and had a harrowing scare for a while cos mom was coughing a few days before she flew home and i was worried sick about the possibilities of SARS. But thankfully, she is all clear and seems perfectly fine now. The folks are back for a short stint as my mom needed to go for her annual check up and various fixer-upper from her eyes to her vericose veins in her legs. At least they are both physically quite fine, espcially my dad. In fact i think he has put on some weight since i last saw him in Chinese new year. I am always glad when dad is home. He is like Mr Fix-it around the house who knows everything from troubleshooting a faulty car fan-belt to changing the batteries in the little gate remotes... I think i have a sort of learnt helplessness whenever my dad is home though he enjoys playing Mr lay-back and letting me sort out of this problems on my own before jumping in to help me before i am utterly defeated. When mom and dad are home, i can stop being an adult for a while and just be a little girl again. I can sass them around, tease my dad and my mom, act like a spolit brat and a doting daughter. I can cajole my mom into making my favourite dishes and tickle my dad into buying me a new phone (i am still working on a car). I know it is really disgusting but then i don't really expect anything from them... I just like to indulge in the parent-child relationship once in a while because i really don't get to see my folks often. I think i miss having parents around, just as they miss having their children around. I miss talking back to them and they miss having someone to talk back to. And as most children, we do tend to take advantage of our parents. When our whole family is living together, tension sometimes arises and that can't be helped especially we tend to feel being over-protected or restricted in our adolescence. But now that we hardly see each other, i think we make use of whatever time we have together to really indulge in a little pleasure of acting like a child or a parent because when we don't see each other, we will often treat each other like matured adults. Doesn't that sound odd? I don't know... It feels really natural to me and i am proud to say that i have remarkable parents. Both of them, though my mom used to drive me nuts. I guess each family have its little nuts and bolts here and there. But what is important is that it will all fit in somewhere... and i am happy about the way our family fitted together and i would fight tooth and nail with anyone who would criticise my folks. I guess i am protective of my family too. I think i can't be any luckier than being with the family that i have and i really don't say it often enough.
Today i will.
Thanks mom and dad... You are the best.
Friday, March 21, 2003
Thursday, March 20, 2003
So the war started...
All i can say is, people are gonna get killed and that can't be right.
If its me just being a prude about politics and the greater "good"...
well heck.
All i know is that there wont be any more restrictions, no lines to be drawn, no boundaries because one man decided that he is above it all.
It sucks.
Monday, March 17, 2003
Sparodic thoughts...
All in all i had a good weekend... living the high life i guess.
Good dinners on saturday first with him then on sunday with the girls.
Remembering having wine with finger food in the late afternoon, watching the sun set on the 23rd floor.
Walking around the esplanade talking after dinner.
Visiting the ACM in the hot sunday morning.
Enjoying the view off the 24th floor.
Enjoying the bath and comfy duvet.
Talking to friends over cocktails and wine.
Planning for act-cute friday.
Laughing over ruskie. No, he is not fat. Merely big.
Helping sue choose a choker.
Seeing him again. Walked over for a short while to see me.
A new bag. Make that two. 40% off from OP for the month of my birthday.
Pasta that tasted like black pepper beef hor fun.
Girls in next to nothing skimpy tops. Don't people wear bras anymore?
Colourful clips.
Sitting by the river.
Nap in the hot afternoon.
Sun shinning in my eyes.
It's sunday.
Weekend...
Walking along the underpass leading to the esplanade and was discussing with him about the art piece by ye shufang adorning the length of the wall. It has little coloured circles that looked like what you would find in a nippon catalog, except bigger. He told me its a form of op-art. Op as in optic. Reminded me alittle of what we learned about perception in psychology. In any case, it was a saturday night, walking and talking about art when we noticed little indentations and holes made by poking with a finger along the huge art piece. Just as we were lamenting on the lack of public courtesy towards public art works, a group of teenagers came walking towards us, alongside the art work, happily punching holes with their fingers laughingly. And mind you, these do not look like young punks or juvenile deliquents either. There looked like kids straight out from church, or sport camps, in berms and t-shirts, sneakers and glasses. An average teenager. An average teenager that believes in nothing wrong with willfully destroying public art on display. Looking at them walking passed us giggling as one of the girls repeated could not punch in a hole, i was almost shaking with anger. Just i was ready to shout at them when i heard a voice beside me shouted out to them, "Show some respect! This is public art.". They looked around in surprise, and some laughed uneasily while others whispered loudly about "making some people angry". By golly we were angry alright. I couldn't understand how people can be so blatantly destroying public property like this. It is like as long as it ain't mine, heck, who cares? But then, why am i surprise? This is not the first time, nor the last time similar things have happened. But i guess i am just upset at the audacity of it all, vandalizing something right in public, daring to do it infront of the busy human traffic, not fugitively away from other eyes. Why? Because they felt safe that no one would say anything. The blatant disregard of all else that is not your own. And it is true, no one said anything that day and everyone looked shock or ashamed when someone did speak up. Why?
Similar incident in the asian civilization museum today where young children ran unbridle through the newly renovated museum with its interesting projections and interactive monitors. Parents letting their children bang on the monitors unconcerned and unfazed by the potential destructive nature of their children's mishandling of the equipment around. How would these children grow up to be? I wonder what is the point of spending so much money for. In any case, i beseech all who is interested in history and wants to take a good look at the ACM to go soon before everything breaks down because at the rate that the public is going, things are not going to be good condition for very long.
While i cannot help but feel sad about how things are, i want to say that i am very proud of him for saying what many others did not and for saying it before i did. Yes. Do please all show some respect to things that are not yours. How would you all like it if i go to your house and poke some holes in your walls and bang on your televisions?
Friday, March 7, 2003
Today my colleague brought me to a girls' home near my place to introduce me to some of the girls there as we would both be volunteering there for the next 2-3mths. Most of these girls were referred to the home from MCDS or the juvenile court and age ranged from 11 to 18. When we were there, only some of the girls were around as some are sleeping or have left on a weekend home leave. Most are still on probation. I felt a little apprehensive as i have never interact with such youths before and i worried about how they would perceive me. I think it is only natural that they would be a little wary and defensive in the beginning, and it would not be easy to break the ice. Afterall, if i were them, i would hate me too, this older person who is coming to change me, who talks english and does not swear in hokkien, who's eagerness to help more often than not, grates on my nerves. From the profiles of the girls that my colleague shared, it is of little wonder why they would feel this way. Most came from abusive and broken homes, some had abortions or are unwed mothers, others were neglected at home and everyone suffers from a degree in the lack of self confidence. Their school work are far behind others and some are not even integrated back to school yet. Sometimes i wonder how can i help them when i have no idea of what they have gone through. One of the girls i played scrabbles with had bruises around her eye and face, and seemed so unsure about how to spell and how to get it right, yet i could tell that she had made effort to look nice, with her nicely manicured fingers and the little accessories around her hand which she played with repetitively. Just sitting beside me is another young girl that could not stop talking in a loud voice, alternating her monologue with latest Jay Chou songs and vulgarities. She was to go back home at 7.30pm and seemed so excited. By 8pm, she looked subdued and the room became really quiet. Yet another girl suddenly came next to me to ask softly if we were going to spent the night there. She must be no more than 13 and confided softly that she had a splinter in her right foot for several days now and couldn't get it out. What am i expected to do for these kids?
Later my colleague asked why did i want to volunteer and i said that "I do not want to change the world, i only hope to make a difference." And i think, that is what i honestly believe.
Wednesday, March 5, 2003
Tuesday, March 4, 2003
I have started a oil painting classes recently. The teacher sounds gay and can't spell, but paints well. It took me a while to be comfortable enough to draw/paint infront of people. But once i started, i was very engrossed and time truly flies. I felt relax and am glad to be fully concentrated on something that i had always suspected i would enjoy. I may not paint well but paint gave me a mental space to relax.
Sunday, March 2, 2003
While joking with my dad on what he should give me for my birthday,
given a choice between a condo, a new car and a new phone...
predictably he said a phone without hesitation.
*evil grin*
the art of bargaining.
always put things into perspective using laws of relativity.
Wondering what phone should i get.
